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Perfect is NOT the Norm
Letting go of perfection is hard! Perfect is not the norm. It’s hard work keeping up that facade and leading people to believe your life is as good as it could be. Social media has made it terribly easy for people to showcase their “perfect”. It has also made it very easy for people to fall into the comparison trap. You will see the moral of this story is, perfect is not the norm!
I can say that I have been at war within myself for the better part the last 4 years. So many factors played a part in this rough patch I’ve been going through. Social media, Facebook specifically, was my outlet for so long. When I was holed up in the house with my twins for days on end with little help, I vented on Facebook. When I was fighting with my husband, I was being passive aggressive on my timeline for all to see, even him because I didn’t care. Those times I was angry with people, friends, neighbors, I let everyone know I was pissed. Hundreds, literally, hundreds of status updates where I was pissed, angry, upset, disappointed, irritable, hurt, let down, were shown to all of my friends.
I don’t regret anything, I just regret those I let into my life via social media who don’t know the real me and judged me for such things. If you don’t know me and you are a neighbor, getting to know me via Facebook is a BAD idea! You have to know me as a person and know my humor and know that I am one sarcastic bitch.
People honestly thought I was miserable. Not gonna lie, there have been a few times in the past 6 years where I was miserable. But I rebound fairly quick, every time. As many angry, hate filled posts I made, I filled in the gaps with pictures of my kids and funny videos, and thank goodness for the birth of the meme! But I’ve always been real, honest to goodness, vulnerable, transparent me. All while I’m seeing people post their perfect families on their perfect vacations. Their perfect nannies and their perfect jobs. Never uttering a bad word about their spouse or god forbid, their perfect little angel children! Portraying these perfect lives that are actually far from perfection!
I can’t pinpoint any one thing that made me get real with my life and let go of perfect. I guess painting the picture that all is great when it really isn’t was too much. I’ve always said that I can’t be fake, it’s too much work and it drains me. Sure I overshare, fault me for that if you chose.
I long for REAL conversations with friends that are not surface only. Let’s skip the small talk and have some deep meaningful conversations. Let your guard down and get real with a friend for a change. It is such a wonderful feeling to connect on a different level with a good friend. It’s freeing to be comfortable enough with them to stop playing pretend. Getting real with yourself also means you will lose friends. Not everyone can handle it, trust me, I lost someone I thought was a very close friend just last year because I was too real with her. If you must, classify your friends into groups….maybe something like this:
- Work friends
- Drinking buddies
- Play date Moms
- Real Bitches
The top 3 on that list will NOT want to hear about your sex life, but trust me when I say those real bitches will and they will keep you laughing! Find your tribe, love them hard. Your “friends” who live on fantasy island in their perfect world will start disappearing or become acquaintances. It’s okay to have a small circle and it’s okay to not be friends with everyone you meet! What’s that saying? People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you will know exactly what to do.
Letting Go of Perfection
Just let it go! It’s the best thing for true happiness. Stop worrying about what people think, who cares if their lawn is greener and cut with scissors. Let them be the basket-case, embrace your balls of life that might be all over your yard. People who know the least about you have the most to say, let them say it! Smile and nod as you walk by and bask in the glow of your own happiness.
Letting perfection go means you will make mistakes and fall on your butt more. But those lessons will mean so much more because you will actually LEARN from them. You will find balance in your life and you will be less stressed and in turn so will your kids. They feed off of your energy more than you realize and stress rolls downhill til it’s knocked everyone out in its path. All for what? Bragging rights at the next play date? Don’t trade your authenticity for approval!
I’m still learning, I’m still a work in progress. The key is PROGRESS over PERFECTION and I keep telling myself that frequently. I’m less hard on myself, my kids and my husband. I no longer go behind my husband and reorganize the dishwasher. I’m allowing my kids to clean around the house and I’m not going behind them and doing it my way. Done is better than perfect. ((That’s a nod to one of my favorite people, Brenda Ster)) I’m literally using tough love on myself to let shit go! Could be that I turned the big 4-0 last year and I cried non-stop about it. Whatever it is, I’m using myself as a bridge to get to the next stage of my life. My next 30 years will be less about perfection, and more about authenticity, honesty, love, compassion, and mindfulness. Perfection is over rated.